Theo Theokitos

Theo Theokitos, Valued Feline Postal Service Customer

Theo Theokitos

Theo Theokitos reading his junk mail. Courtesy of The Seattle Times, November 11, 2009.

There aren’t really any proven ways to achieve immortality. Various religions propose myriad means for achieving some kind of life after death, but no one has returned from beyond the veil to confirm or deny their efficacy.

We do believe that one can achieve a pseudo life after death using the capacious and apparently un-forgetting databases of the various commercial enterprises, charities and political parties that use the United States Postal Service – also the topic of yesterday’s blog!

One of the weirdest things about mail is that even death can’t keep it from being delivered to you at “your last known address.” We have experienced this phenomenon first hand. Over the years we have handled a variety of affairs for Joan’s dad, mom and brother, using our home as an official address. As a result we have continued to receive mail in their names, although they are now deceased. No amount of phone calling, emailing and letter writing can dissuade an alumni organization or a charity that their intended communicant is, in fact, an ex-communicant.  Our loved ones continue on in a kind of postal shadow life receiving letters and requests they can never answer.

The mail does not discriminate in its attempt at resurrection; all life forms are eligible for postal preservation. Some years ago there was a cat named Theo Theokitos who started receiving junk mail at his home in Wenatchee, Washington in 1992. His owner had submitted a rebate for cat food in Theo’s name. Once the marketing industry had Theo’s name and address, immortality was assured. Theo became a target for junk mail, mail that kept coming long after he died in 1999. If you’re interested in Theo’s story, here’s the link:

Junk mail is, indeed,  a proven form of life after death.  If only Theo could have left a forwarding address!